事件记录
Dr. 琼斯: 远大前程》. I'm talking about your 情人节 hopes. How can you manage your expectations? How can you get what you want, or want what you get? 这是博士. Kirtly Jones from Obstetrics and Gynecology at the University of Utah Health Care and this is 范围.
播音员: Covering all aspects of women's health, this is The Seven Domains of Women's Health with Dr. Kirtly Jones在Scope上报道.
Dr. 琼斯: You've seen the YouTube videos, those ones with the guys who do some extraordinary surprise thing for their honey. Pay a plane to drag declarations of their love across the sky. Buy a ticket for a plane ride to an amazing location. 你知道, give a bouquet of roses as big as a car. 情人节, 或者你的生日, 或者你们的结婚纪念日, these special occasions can set us up for great joy and satisfaction, 或者非常失望. How does a grown-up manage wants and expectations around these times?
首先, 创伤可能是从, for those of us who grew up in less enlightened times, 当大发娱乐在一年级的时候. 你知道, we all made little shoeboxes with our names on them and our moms bought the little Valentine's and we picked out our friends, 或者大发娱乐想成为朋友, and put Valentine's in their boxes. We all had hopes to get a special valentine or the hugest batch of valentines. And we often didn't and it got worse from there. 问题来了.
One, women often think, "If he loved me, he would know what I want for 情人节." Two, it's more romantic if it's a big surprise. Three, "It's my 情人节; he should plan it. 是关于我的." Four, if he doesn't do whatever, he doesn't care about me. Five, guys only want one thing for 情人节.
Well, here are the solutions. He, or she, probably just wants you to be happy. At least, that's the right place to start. If you love them, don't set them up for failure by making them read your mind. 成熟一点. Grown-ups are responsible for their own happiness. 要求你想要的. Don't set your partner up for failure, set them, and yourself, up for success. The surprise thing, that's a mistake. They overblow it and they blew your budget. They do too much and you don't really like them that much. They don't do enough and you're disappointed. 惊喜被高估了.
Now, it isn't "my" 情人节, it's "our" 情人节. Let them know what you think would be nice for you to do together for 情人节. 问他们想要什么. Yes, maybe some guys only expect one thing on Valentine's, but don't assume. There may be a lot of pressure on both of you to figure out the right thing and all that could be modified if you just ask.
If you don't have a Valentine's date, you can just mope or you could do something nice for someone. 尝试一些游击的好东西. Send a card or a note, not too overbearing, to someone who might not be expecting it. It makes two people feel good, you and them. Of course, you can send more than one. I might do that even though I have a Valentine.
现在，说说我的情人节. Thirty-five years ago I went into therapy with a highly-respected psychiatrist at a highly-respected medical school. 我的问题是, why hadn't I left this guy after seven years, who forgot 情人节 and my birthday year after year? 我哭了. Certainly he didn't care for me. She looked at me and let me have my rant. Then she gently suggested that if I was a mature person, I would ask for what I wanted and not set him up to fail year after year. If I loved him, I wouldn't expect the impossible, and I wouldn't set him up to fail.
Huh, that was the best money and time I'd ever spent. We've had 43 情人节s together. Thirty-five years ago, I let go of expectations. So this year, I will get what I want and want what I get. It goes sort of like this: "What would you like to do for 情人节? I would like to go out for dinner, just the two of us, to someplace yummy. It doesn't have to be exactly on 情人节, just sometime this month, my treat." Happy Valentine's and thanks for joining us on 范围.
播音员: Covering all aspects of women's health, this is The Seven Domains of Women's Health with Dr. Kirtly Jones在Scope上报道.